debt

In a previous episode of comfort blankets, I spoke about money and our attachment to money. And in this episode I want to talk about another aspect of money, and that is debt: when we owe someone money. A debt is a sort of negative money. Not only do I not have money, but I owe someone else money. I have a negative amount of money. And of course that debt is felt as a burden, as an obligation. It limits our freedom. We are obliged to repay that money at some point. And until we do, a part of our consciousness is tied up in worrying about it, or at least planning how we will earn enough money to pay back the debt.

And for many millions of people debt is their way of being in the world, financially. In many western countries it has been set up as an example. Many of the nation states themselves are in debt. They have borrowed money from other nations and they are paying interest on that loan, without any real intention of ever paying back the loan itself. It’s too much money to get together.  The people will suffer too much and the politicians, those in power, will not be popular. So better to have that debt and pay the interest year by year.

And so it is for most people when they buy a house: they take out a mortgage and they are indebted to the bank. And every year, every month, they are paying interest on that loan. And whilst things are going well, whilst the job is secure, whilst the money is coming in, it all feels okay. But when times are hard, then the worry kicks in. Will I lose my job? If I do, will I lose my house, my home?

And why do I call this debt a comfort blanket? And here we get into some of the subtleties of the ego mind. Amazingly, we do not only become attached to positive things, to the things we enjoy, the things we like. We can become equally attached in a negative way, to things that we don’t like. Anything that is in our life for a period of time, that has some stability to it, some constancy, anything can be the basis of an attachment and can feed our ego, our sense of a self as an individual. So although it feels unpleasant, a part of our psyche is happy to be in debt. It gives us a sense of continuity, just as any other comfort blanket does.

And this goes not just for debt, but for anything negative in our life that is there for a prolonged period. It might be a sickness. It might be an unhealthy relationship. There is a part of us that would rather continue in misery because it is known. It is familiar. And in some ways these are the most difficult comfort blankets to let go of, because we don’t even acknowledge this attachment. It seems absurd. It is absurd. And so if we deny that attachment, it becomes very unconscious. And only by looking at our behaviour: the repetitive patterns, perhaps over spending on that credit card for example, buying things we don’t need, just to keep the debt in place. How familiar that is. And it allows us to carry on worrying. Even that sense of worrying, having a concern, although unpleasant, it gives us a feeling of the known, the familiar, and the mind can carry on in its habitual patterns.

In these ways, we maintain a sense of self, as a separate little being. And in fact debt helps us to feel even more separate. It is isolating; we feel indebted to another or to an organisation, we owe some money, and although that is a connection of sorts, it’s a negative one. It sets us in opposition to that other party. So debt helps us to feel separate. And although feeling separate is the root cause of our anguish, the ego demands it. The ego loves it, even when it is painful. I would even go so far as to suggest that the ego loves it especially when it is painful.

So if you are in debt, take a long hard look inside yourself. That debt is costing you, but also there’s a part of you that is relishing it. Perhaps it allows you to feel yourself to be a victim, and that’s very convenient for the ego. I’m powerless and I can’t change anything in my life, because I am in debt. Well, I disagree. You can change things in your life. Don’t be a victim. Don’t play that game. Have a good look inside your own psychology. And if you are living in debt, try and get in touch with that part of you which is enjoying it, which is gaining something from it. Once you’ve seen it, once you’ve acknowledged it, the patterns will change. But denying it, denying it gives it continuity, strength, and it will be there forever until you take a look at it.